Reaffirm
by fragile-bones
Summary: Reaffirm (v): to state again strongly In which Arthur is insecure and Merlin is awesome. Merlin/Arthur.


"What if it hadn't been you?"

The question caught Merlin off guard and he paused in his task of removing his armour. He had just got back from training with his knights. Merlin looked up to see a small, almost pensive frown on his face. Arthur had been like this ever since he got back from a neighbouring kingdom a few days ago. Merlin hadn't asked, he knew Arthur would tell whatever was bothering him when he was ready.

"You are going to have to be a bit more specific, Arthur," Merlin said, buttoning up Arthur's jacket.

"What if it hadn't been you when we first met and you called me a royal arse? What if we met under different conditions? What if I never met you at all?" Arthur asked.

"Well then, you probably would've met someone else. Or you probably wouldn't have met anyone on that at all. Or maybe you would've met someone who was probably a lot nicer to you on your first meeting. As to whether or not you would've met me, I don't really have an answer for that," Merlin replied, shrugging. He moved around to Arthur's back, smoothing the jacket from where it was lightly bunched near his shoulders.

Arthur's hands came up and gently grasped Merlin's. He brought them forward, bringing Merlin in front of him with their hands clasped between them. This had been going on between them for a few months now. After tiptoeing around their feelings and trying to make sense of all those lingering touches and stares that lasted a little too long to be considered platonic, they had finally manned up and confessed to each other. In Merlin's mind, it had been the happiest day of his life and remembering the way Arthur's eyes had lit up when Merlin uttered those precious words, it had been the best day of his life as well.

"Arthur? What brought this on?" Merlin questioned with a touch of concern in his voice.

"I was just thinking of what could've been." Arthur replied. At Merlin's confused look, he elaborated further.

"I mean, there are so many different ways things could've gone, you know. If it hadn't been you I met. Or if you were somebody else. Or if, like you said, you were somebody who was a lot nicer to me. Or we had met under different circumstances. What would've happened then?"

"That's one question I'm not entirely sure how to answer. But Arthur, do you remember me telling you of our destiny? We were destined to meet. It's written in the stars," Merlin said, stepping closer to Arthur.

"Always the romantic," Arthur teased, with a soft smile on his face.

"You know me," Merlin replied, grinning. "But seriously. There's no reason for you to worry over things that didn't happen; that had no chance of happening. This? Us? It was bound to happen. We were meant to be. I don't care how sappy this sounds but someone once told me that you and me, we are two sides of the same coin. One incomplete without the other."

"I know. Me thinking about these things is really silly and without reason. But this thought has been nagging me for some time," Arthur said. "While I was at Lord Stark's, I overheard a conversation between two servants. It was idle chit chat but something one servant said stuck with me. He was asking his friend how things could've gone if he was born as royalty and if Fate had nicer to him. His friend replied by saying that if that had been the case then they never would've met and never would've been friends. He said that he was glad he wasn't born into royalty because then it would've meant never being his friend. That got me thinking about how things would've been different if I never would've met you."

"Arthur…," Merlin began, before Arthur cut him off. He hugged Merlin to his chest, one arm wrapped tight around his waist and the other cradling his head to his shoulder gently. He sighed when he felt Merlin's arms wrap just as tightly around his back and felt him bury his face in the crook of his neck.

"No, please hear me out. I have to get this off of my chest. I know I don't say it enough and I know that there are days when I don't show it but I do love you, Merlin. More than these fickle words can express. I know sometimes I act like a total arse, god knows you've reminded me of that fact a few times, but you have no idea how much it means when you stay even though I put you through all kinds of things. There are days when I feel like a complete failure and but _you are always there._ You reassure me, you argue me, and you make me a better person. There are no words for how thankful I am."

Merlin pulled back a little, not completely, but just enough to look at Arthur. He could see the naked vulnerability in Arthur's eyes and see the love and affection and pride in equal mixture. Merlin realized that this was something Arthur had been planning to say for a long time but hadn't had the occasion or maybe even the courtage to bring it from his heart and make it spill through his lips.

"Arthur, I don't do this out of some sense of misguided duty. I stay with you, I choose to spend my day with you, and I love you, because I _want_ to. I love you because there is no other way than this, because you've managed to make me fall in love with you; with your faults and flaws and shortcomings and I wouldn't have you any other way," Merlin said, conviction in his words and sincerity and love in his eyes.

Arthur brought their clasped hands to his lips and pressed a soft kiss to Merlin's knuckles. They just stood like that for a while, chest to chest, lightly swaying. Arthur did that sometimes; just hold Merlin in his arms as if to make sure that he wasn't just a figment of his imagination. Merlin realized early on in their relationship that Arthur was completely unaccustomed to being loved, being wanted, being _needed._ Most of his life had gone by trying to be the man his father wanted him to be, the Crowned Prince of Camelot. He was taught that love and mercy were considered to be weaknesses and that to rule you needed a heart of steel. It had taken Merlin a long time to get Arthur to open up to him; had taken a long time to reassure him that love is not a weakness and it is okay to be afraid. Arthur needed proof; real, tangible, and physical proof that he was wanted and that Merlin loved him with all his heart and Merlin spent every waking moment reassuring Arthur of that fact.

"You don't ever have to worry about losing me, Arthur. I will not leave you, not of my own will. I'm yours, mind and body and soul, for as long as you'll have me." Merlin said, pressing their foreheads together so that every word was spoken against Arthur's lips.

"Forever. I want to have you with me forever. And if there's something beyond eternity, infinity and forever, I want you then, too," whispered Arthur, his voice wavering slightly on _too._

"So I will be. With you. Forever." Merlin murmured his voice soft.

Arthur nodded and pulled Merlin into a chaste kiss, trying to put all his love and affection and fear and _I've given you my heart please don't hurt me you mean more to me than anything I love you please don't leave iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou_ and Merlin responded in kind moving his lips against Arthur's, his reassurance _I won't I promise I loveyoutooiloveyoutoo._ Arthur ran his hands down Merlin's arms, feeling him shiver in response. He entwined their fingers when he reached Merlin's hands, Arthur's right hand going tight around Merlin's waist. Both of them had no idea how long they stood kissing only pulling away when the need to breathe got urgent. They were both flushed and breathing hard but that fact was easy to ignore in favour of looking at the smile on Merlin's face and the light in Arthur's eyes.

Merlin knew the minute when Arthur's insecurities and doubts were wiped away when the said man leaned in and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

"Thank you, Merlin." Arthur breathed. Merlin didn't need to ask what for, it was pretty obvious when he looked at Arthur.

"C'mon then lazy daisy, you still have to get ready. Your darling father has requested your presence at lunch and after that you have to join him for negotiations of some kind. Got a long day ahead of you, sire," Merlin said, a tone of teasing entering his voice when he said _sire_.

Arthur rolled his eyes at Merlin's _lazy daisy. _Honestly, why did he keep that man around? The man in question then turned around and smiled and Arthur thought _'oh yes, that's why.'_

"Yes, thank you _Mer_lin. What would I do without you?" Arthur said.

"Since you asked so nicely-"

"Oh god, don't start, I didn't mean-"

"You would probably put your stupid armour on backwards, forget to wear your trousers-"

"I cannot believe you're still hung up on that. It was once!"

"Fall asleep on your food-"

"I hate you. I absolutely hate you," Arthur huffed, though anyone could see he was trying to hide his smile.

Their banter continued on like that throughout Arthur's chambers, the sun continued to shine outside the window, the birds continued to chirp, life continued on in Camelot and so did Merlin and Arthur's love for each other.

It was one hell of a good day.


End file.
